I missed my anniversary, go uncoordinated me. I saw the notification saying congrats on blogging for 4 years, keep going or some shit. I guess it’s pretty good I’ve had it for this long, but was I consistant? nope. Do I blog often? noope. Will I ever get my shit together? Hard no.

Right now things are moving so fast but I’m in slow motion you know? I don’t know how to keep up and I probably won’t keep up until summer hits and everything kinda just stops. I’m scared for next year, I will be moving on to college and being in a whole new environment with new people and it’s just terrifying to know. I guess I’ll write something on that, but for now let’s just keep this post kinda of like an update on everything.

Jk, there is no update my life is boring and uneventful. I am just happy i’m about to start a new part of my life and it’s scary. Low-key though I really want to binge read a bunch of books. I’m planning  to make myself a reading list and buy the books I want and go about my day. I want to have the best summer of my life and not just stay inside like I normally do, but just enjoy my last year as a teen and move on to adulthood in the fall. I have no idea what is in store for me I do know that I am not ready for it, but I will do my best to succeed.

That’s it, have a good day good bye.

 

 

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a little funny

You wanna know something I find freaking hilarious. It’s that I actually thought I was going to become a full time blogger who had millions of people reading the shit I wrote. I literally laugh at my younger self thinking “How could you possibly make it?”

Obviously I didn’t become famous and have an amazingly pink blog like Perez Hilton, but I wouldn’t change the world for my small corner of the internet. Well except for food then it would be an exception.

Right now I am in a neutral state, I don’t want to cry but then again I don’t feel happy. I don’t mind it though. The thing is I like being alone and by myself. I like resolving things on my own because that’s the way its always been. I think that’s one of the things I like about myself I guess.

My teenage years are basically over. You guys literally witnessed my teen years and you didn’t even know it. I am 19 now and this is my last year of being young, reckless, bold, and fearless.

When I hit 20 I will have to be more smart, wise, good at decision making, and caring for those around me, and start being a young adult. Of course my blog will be in on the ride I can possibly teach you things I wish people would have taught me. I think this might be fun, my future will hopefully be bright because that’s all I can do now, right?

Is hope for the best.

Maybe keeping an open mind about my future could possibly be good for me.

See you soon

 

 

~r

in a funk

Hey guys long time no talk. I missed you all and I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been feeling some type of way and I really don’t know what it is. I am in a funk. I feel empty almost like if I laugh it dies the minute I smile, I get very irritable very fast and I don’t know why?

I really like children, like a lot, especially my younger siblings who are from toddlers to young teens, Every time someone tells me they’re coming I get very annoyed. I shouldn’t feel annoyed I should be happy. All I want to do is drown myself in silence, that’s the only thing that is keeping me sane at the moment. I have no motivation to keep up with my school work, I have no motivation to text my friends, I have no motivation to even be happy anymore. All I want to do is sleep, because i am constantly tired from doing nothing. I don’t know if I am drained mentally or physically but I’m always pooped.

If anyone has felt this way and has gotten out of it please help your girl out.

Thanks

2018

No this is not a scam I really am posting a blog post. Hey everyone I’m hoping all of you are doing well. It’s been a minute since I last posted something, I missed y’all. Let’s see what I supposedly “Missed”

It’s 2018 now, it’s a fresh new start that everyone was praying for. How is that for you guys so far, mine was rocky in the beginning but I think it’s alright. I heard Vine 2 is supposed to come out somewhere this year, and I am so excited for that to happen. I was thinking about making some vines myself. I mean a lot of my friends think I’m funny enough to be on there, but I mean my tweets..those need god no one can really help those. I don’t know, what do you think of me making vines? but what I am scared about social media is that once you get big there is no going back to a normal life. Everything you do is a story, your entire life is online and say you do something dumb and an employer saw that shit, there is no going back from it. I do want to do it for the kicks but if I end up viral, my mom would kill me.

I wanna know what you guys are up too, whats you life’s been like. I miss conversing in the comments with you all.

Should I talk about music since it is my favourite subject. I learned how to play the guitar guys! I can play chords and songs, and I can finger pick a little bit. That sound disgusting but trust me it’s not. I am supposed to perform the song sweater weather in front of my class singing and all and basically tell them why I chose it and so I’m debating on making up a fake boyfriend, but us breaking up.

I also been loving Daniel Caesar, I can’t stop singing get you it’s such a bop. Also Troye came out with two singles. I like my my my but I never got to listen to the other song. Cardi B is flooding my playlist, she is such a great rapper!!!!

Deadass all I rap is Cardi and when finesse came out I cried because it was such an 80’s kinda bop that we needed.

Alright I don’t have much to really say but if you wanna see things from me let me know I am open to any suggestion.

see ya

hello and goodbye

well hello there,

i completely forgot i ran a blog, that’s so embarrassing. hope everyone is doing well and is happy. i just wanted to come on here to see what’s up and if anyone is still blogging. i’m very happy to see that most of the blogs i follow are still writing.

*random side note*

i loved to write here, this was the one place i could be free to do what i wanted. post my own stories, my thought, music i really liked, and more. then i started to make it feel like a job, an unpaid one to be exact, and then i just didn’t enjoy it anymore. i then re branded changed everything including the name that i’ve been using for 3 years.

now, i just post when i want whether it be everyday or once every 3 months. i feel as though i should write here because i want to, and that’s what i plan to do. i just wanted to clear that up since i literally posted i believe in october.

things for me are starting to get good, i don’t want to jinx anything but, i really feel a change in me. it’s a good change i feel very content with my surroundings, with what i’m learning, and with what i’m doing in general. my stomach is just flutttering thinking about my future because i think it’s going to be bright. at least thats what i’m hoping it would feel. i just wanted to say some thing before the year ended, oh yeah did you guys know its december?

2017 can gtfo, i’m thinking majority are with me on that statement. i really hope 2018 is gonna be good because thats all we can do, right? hope for the best.

anyway i’ll catch you all around and if i happen to blog next year, merry christmas, happy new year, happy hanukkah, and happy kwanzaa. i think i got all of the major holidays coming up.

see ya

 

p.s fun fact i had a category called “freak out friday” i know i cringe every time i read it. okay for real bye.

order 231

“you should just leave”

“you aren’t even apart of this family anymore”

 

“Order 231!” the server yells over the busy crowd.”Order 231?”

I snap out of my thoughts and checked my number. 231. I slowly walk up to the server and quietly grab food.

“Thank you.” I say so quietly I could barely hear myself. I walk to the most isolated spot in the store and sat quietly to myself.

I check my phone to see a message I didn’t feel like answering. It was my brother mostly asking me where I was so he could pick me up. It’s an ongoing routine I get kicked out and my brother drags me back in. My parents love him the most, I honestly couldn’t tell you why. He was perfect in ways I couldn’t be, he had a future, and I was a mess who didn’t even have a slim chance at having a life.

Instead of answering him I put my phone down and sat quietly. Listening to other people’s conversations.

“Is this seat taken?” asks a random stranger. I froze in place for a couple seconds before I realized he was waiting for my answer. “No.” I say allowing him to take a seat.

“What’s your name?” he asks looking at me with the warm smile.

“Ever.” I say hesitantly

“Jack.” he grins holding his hand out for me to shake. I hesitantly reach over to shake the cute boys hand, I managed to crack a small smile. I noticed he was wearing a uniform, which means he works here.

“Shouldn’t you go back to work?” I ask nodding towards his uniform. He quickly looks down and looks back at me. “No, not when you’re sitting here by yourself.” he says nonchalantly.

“So Ever, is it short for Evergreen?” he ask curiously. The glimmer in his eyes made me want to spill everything about myself to him. Realizing what kind of effect he has on me makes me build my guard up quickly.

“Yeah.” I say lowly looking down.

“Are you okay Evergreen?” he asks making me look up from my lap.

I wanted to say no and spill my heart out about my shit life, but me being the quiet person I am I told him I was.

“I don’t believe you.” He says starting off. “You come in here almost every day with the same tired sad look that you have now, you also order the same thing at the same time to the point where we already have it prepared for you before you come in.” He says looking at me straight in the eyes. “I don’t think you’re okay Evergreen.”


dO NOT ASK. I just wrote it It’s messy but its what I got. Hope you enjoyed.

change

As humans we learn a few thing. I know I am pointing out the obvious, but hear me out. I like to tell a few life lessons I’ve learned so living on this world for 18 years. By doing so I like to believe I am helping others. I could also be writing this to nobody and they don’t give a shit about what I learned and that they know everything about anything.

That’s up to them all I could do is give out what I know and hope someone will take it. Yes, I do have a life lesson for you, but it’s more of a back story, a downfall, and a dusting yourself off and trying again kinda moment.

I am a procrastinator as you know, or at least was a procrastinator. I would spend most days staring at my homework thinking I knew it but in the end I didn’t know jack shit. I would cry and wail thinking “I should know it I studied” 

Little did I know studying is more than staring at your books and calling it a day. I then didn’t get to where I wanted to go, instead I’m stuck on plan A. This drove me to be upset for a long while until I said. “It’s not too late.”

(I don’t think saying what had happen will do anything, plus I really don’t want to expose myself so I won’t tell you guys what happens. Anyways back to my rant.)

I got started on what I needed to do and  to where I needed to go. Life throws obstacles all around us guys okay it’s okay to get knocked down. The only thing that matters is if you get up again. I believe in God and that God has a plan for all of us and that we need just stick to our guts. Mine told me to get up wipe those tears because you’re a strong woman who can get through this.

At the end of the day we will always have people trying to tear us down, or think that we will end up someplace we shouldn’t be. All you need to do is focus on yourself and don’t let nobody get in you way because you’re a strong man or a strong woman.

Now stop reading this and go do something great.

bye for now.